Monday, April 14, 2008

time of death

I don't actually know the time, but I know that I set the trap Saturday morning and Dave had the dead bugger Sunday morning for disposal!!!

Friday, April 11, 2008

to each his own

I saw this picture on WendyB's blog, and as I looked closer I realized - hey those guys look familiar
I'll bet he's a hit at the Elder's Quarem spaghetti dinner!
ps. Mom I know you are totally freaking out right now.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

awareness all around

on the radio, the tv, signs around town - everywhere I look Autism Awareness Month is being honor and acknowledged!


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

in the dark

i'm not concerned about my daughter's future in the dating world. she refuses to use the potty, and for that i'm pretty sure won't be popular at school. (that's fine with me)

so this evening while she was on her potty chair doing NOTHING, i once again sat knee to knee with her while i again demonstrated the finer points of the toilet.

in 2 seconds she was up with her panties up and at the door. before she turned off the light and shut me in the completely dark room the last thing i saw was a empty brown toilet paper tube on the roller.


after asking nicely, and then not so nicely to open the door and turn on the light she opened the door and said "UM. no."


like Helen Keller i felt around under the cabinet for the last roll of toilet paper. whew.

then enters child with a key chain light to help the situation by blinding me over and over. I believe her next quote goes something as "Oh, fun."

things i wish dead...

there is no way for me to wish enough death on my following two picks, and no way possible to prioritize one over the other:

LA FITNESS aka. asshats! after my last post and speaking with them about their continual billing of my checking account for a membership that was already canceled: their response was "we just received your 30 day notice to cancel your kids club membership so the April billing will not be refunded."

so the moral to the story, these asshats make it impossible to cancel any membership. and although you they don't tell you that you have to cancel your kids babysitting membership, and you can't use it because you aren't a member they will continue to bill you.

their new slogan should be: once we have your billing information, we will rob you blind-JOIN TODAY!

(not actual rodent) this thing known as a gopher has taken on a full assault of my garden. he is eating through my lettuce and is making his way all over with enormous holes and mounds to show for his work. It is making me crazy. at first i thought well i will try and get him out without killing him. OH NO, not now, it's on. i've tried suffocating a hole with dry ice, Dave tried drowning the hole to get him out, nope.

now don't get all PETA on me, i'm sorry but it's my garden and if it is being overtaken with a terrorist, it is my right to protect my land and lettuce. tonight Jojo and i went to home depot and purchase some gopher traps (which sound nicer than they actually are). Since this problem has turned a little too blood and guts for my taste it has been left for Dave.

Good luck honey! kill the little bastard for us!! love, me and jojo

Thursday, April 3, 2008

boy or girl???

tomorrow morning is our ultrasound!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

i hate LA Fitness

last year they opened a new LA fitness near our house. so in an impulsive gesture to be like my hot sisters i got a membership for myself, my husband and child care for our child. the sales lady said, there is no contract cancel whenever you want. EASY RIGHT?

bawwhaaaaaa! easy if you don't mind jumping through burning hoops! i went down to the gym last October, "i want to cancel my membership".
overpaid gym card swiper "Oh, we can't do that here, do you have a computer?"
me breathing evenly "yes, but i signed up here, you took my money here?"
blonde swiping robot "yes but that all has to be done through corporate. haha sorry"

ok, go home cancel our memberships after a painful online experience. hu? this isn't immediate?

call down to the gym (since corporate has NO WAY IN HELL TO GET AHOLD OF THEM) "hi, i just went online and canceled my membership and it says my account is still active till the end of the year."
another fitness robot "oh well yes, you already been billed for November and when you signed up you paid for your last months dues, so you actually still have access till the end of December."
pulling my hair "i don't want access till the end of december, i haven't been there in over three months already."
stupid phone girl "i'm sorry, that's just how it works".

so it is now obvious this corporation make things as difficult as possible.

noticed still being billed for "kid care" in Jan, Feb, March.... ok these people are freakin leaches. I call down to the gym.

sales guy with no control because corporate has his balls "oh, sorry, you should be able to cancel that online."
me "are you kidding me, i have NO ACCOUNT with you and you are billing me for child care?"
ball-less wonder "well can you just try to go online, I can't do anything here."
me "of course, i would love to spend more time on this".

i try. being that i am no longer a member the online services are useless to me, can't login.

call back the gym guy "i didn't work"
idiot "oh i was afraid of that, you will have to come down here and get a form to fill out"
me, very frustrated "are you kidding, you guys create hassel at every step, now i need to come down there and get a form because you are charging me every month?"
corporate idiot "ya, sorry".

go down and get the form. Start to fill it out and ask "i can just give this back to you and you will send it in right?"
new swiper robot girl "no, sorry you have to MAIL it into corporate"
me "with a stamp and envelope?"
swiper "ya"
me "is this company's goal to suck you in like a cult and assume you will die or give up trying?"
robot "um"
door closes behind me as i walk out.

(it's now march) go home, fill out their stupid form, mail it with a stamp.

today: check my bank account. i just paid a bunch of bills and knew it was going to be close, but to my surprise LA freakin Fitness billed my account for kids care it overdrew my account and now i have a $34 overdraft fee.

OH IT'S ON!!! i hate this company. i want to write it on my car and park in their parking lot.
LA FITNESS SUCKS! tell a friend!!!!!

LA FITNESS=CULT (but hey, "there is no contract, hee hee")

ps. Rhonda, you still think i sounded angry and bitter about the princesses?

pps. last mother's day i just wanted to get out of the house and do something for myself by myself so Dave said he would watch jojo and i could go to the gym. when i get there i see there is a nice wet sweat sheen on every machine i go to use.... ewwwww!

i go tell one of the sales guys. he tells me that there are paper towels if i would like to wipe them down. MY FACE MUST HAVE BEEN PRICELESS, "if i wanted to clean up after others on mother's day i would have stayed home!".

on my way out i saw him and his handy squirt bottle and papertowels hard at work.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

birthday present...

remember what i wanted for my birthday?

well I've been holding off sharing my news with you till i could get a picture of me wearing it. so let me update: my jewelry designer wendyB was sneaking text messages to by husband (which would get her a beatdown had it not been for their birthday planning) to get me this ring in time for my birthday. well the ring had to be made and there wasn't enough time so they got me the matching Diana heart necklace instead. i was totally surprised, but confessed i had to have the ring as well.

waa laa, it was on my doorstep a week later! my husband is the best, and wendy is not only an amazing designer but she gets you what you want and in a hurry! thank you Dave and Wendy for making this last (no really i'm not aging anymore... no more) birthday one i will always cherish.

so there is the story. where are the pictures?

pick up story here.

autism awareness

momologue has a wonderful article up:
I can has Asperger's? By Jeff Sparkman
i really enjoyed it, check it out.

april fools

did any of you play any good jokes today? i tried all day to think of something to post that would be funny.... well turns out the joke was on me.

we are TRYING to get this child interested in potty training, but she just doesn't care. this evening i put on her big girl panties and tried to explain, "we don't want to pee pee in the chair or in your panties, we only pee pee in the potty" (what she heard "blah blah blah blah pee pee in the chair blah").

so while i work on a refi application online this is what i get "oh no, pooped in the chair!" i run over, nope everything is clean and dry - jojo is snickering. 5 minutes later "oh no, more poops." nope another false alarm... now we do this every two minutes for the next half hour because it's just funny to her.

i realize my lending application was erased and never went through and spent 15 minutes on hold waiting for customer service, at THE EXACT SAME TIME as the agent says "hello this is..." Jocie says, "oh no i got poop". she is standing right next to me with her legs at a wide stance peeing all over the floor. OH COME ON!!!

i pick up the dripping kid, give my name, strip off the wet panties, give my address and social security number, stand her in the sink to clean up feet and legs, answer the impossible debt related questions he, go mop up the pee, give dave's ssn, get back to the kid and finish the ap. whew! being a mom rocks!

so i start typing this thinking, "in retrospect that actually was kinda funny", i get the first line typed and standing next to me is the squatting "oh no i have poop" as she pees all over the floor again.

three things about my daughter:
  1. she might need to lay off the sippy cup.

  2. she has not quite mastered the difference between pee and poop.

  3. her timing is IMPECCABLE!