Tuesday, January 8, 2008

nothing, absolutely nothing




a few things have been brought to my attention.




  1. i have become debbie downer. "i'm scared to even check your blog because it's so depressing" is i believe what curt said.



  2. my fans have missed me, and are thus worried that i have taken a "72 hour britney vacation".

let me reassure curt, that yes i will continue to blog as my mood allows. i know that my mix of meds and pregnancy will someday in the future work for the betterment of society. unfortunately that time is not here yet.

she looks so happy, i'm jeaslous inside

my dearest fans that worship (fear) my every move,

i won't lie, britney's actions have had some impact on me. although i am not in a state to enjoy the true value of Cheetos right now, have never smoked, drank coffee, or currently behind on my trailer park lot dues; i still feel i can relate with Ms. Spears.

lets cut the crap, she is imbalanced. i know the feeling.


but where we differ is: a 72 hour stay at a clean, supervised, food serving, toilet cleaning, non showering facility away from the kids? what the heck, how can you look that gift horse in the mouth? granted, if dr. phil walked into my hospital room a light would go on above my head "i'm either being punked, or my life may not be in a good place", either way i would send dr. whore out the door with a few words that would actually get me MORE TIME in this recreational get away.

why in the world am i talking about this? i will tell you, it's all i got without talking about nausea, lack of sleep, nausea, my kids relentless poopy diapers, abdomen tightness , pain-acidic hunger, and PREGNANCY BRAIN.

pregnancy brain is real: the parasite living inside you actually starts feeding off, not only the little information you had stored between your ears, but also sucks anything funny, sarcastic, witty and most of all snarky. gone, into my uterus. now tell me, what is this baby going to do with my google password and home phone number?


did i mention this parasite is the size of a grain of rice.

in closing let me say, Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

13 comments:

WendyB said...

"Stop saying that!" -- Count Rugen
This post proves what I already knew in my heart. The hos who rudely tell me how I'm missing out by not breeding just want me to suffer like they did. And they want to mess up my beautiful taut abs.

Practically Perfect In Every Way said...

wendyb:
1. never trust a mother, they are required to lie on a daily basis.
2. you better not even think about breeding! i live vicariously through your taut abs. they look fabulous in everything, and thats what i need.

Megan said...

well at least we know that you are alive now!
do you think this kid will be funny, sarcastic, witty and most of all snarky. I mean if you aren't those things we are going to need a replacement.

Curt said...

waaaa waaaa waaaa.

Listen:

being pregnant is something I will [thankfully] never have to endure.

Britney is something I will [thankfully] never have to endure.

I don't want to come across as heartless, but I need you to understand that when I come to you blog I want to laugh, poke fun at you, and try to [figuratively] fart on your head like you did to me [literally] when I was a kid.

Now, let's get the snark & wit back-- even if it's fake-- so I can come to your blog without a bottle of prozac in my hand. Fair?

Curt said...

oh yeah- and I need to tell you something. I am not left handed.

Kim said...

I hear ya about the Brit thing, it's all I got too. Have you checked out TMZ lately, thats where I need to go next. Dr. Phil is more of a scoundrel than a thought. Try to make a buck off Brit in her time of distress... he should be ashamed of himself.

The Edwards Family said...

oh honey- you still got it..I come to your blog to laugh- you are funny as he%$! Sick or not you crack me up!

Aprilyn said...

How many fingers do you have on your left hand?
Wow! I must be really lucky because my pregnancies were not that bad. Sure, Marshall arrived entirely too soon and we were lucky he stayed in that long. I had many meds to try keeping contractions to a minimum but nothing really worked. I was on bedrest for 3 months before he was born at 33 weeks.
I'm sorry you are so sick. I hope it gets better soon.

Mystiqeye said...

You know people forget that you are human. This site is to allow us to say what we are feeling or whatever comes to mind. Sometimes our blogs can be funny and keep people in stitches but in reality I would rather see you as you. Not what everyone else would prefer you be. If you are sick of being sick then thats what needs to be said. If you want to talk about the latest nut case of a movie star then so be it. Make yourself happy then it will come out in your blogs. That is just my opinion and we all have at least one opinion. Have a great week and enjoy the pregnancy for what it is. A chance to build a bound between you and the little one. If you need reminder of a child being good.......send me your email and I will send you pics of Snowe. :)

Curt said...

please disregard mystiqeye's post. she doesn't know what she's talking about. only LISTEN TO ME. trust me. I know everything. Debbie Downer is so last decade. I like it when you pick on me and play a little rough (just not too rough) and make Megan & me laugh.

besides:

people who put negative into the universe only reap more negative... remember? That's why I'm actually helping you out here.

You can attract a lot more flies....

If you can't say anything nice... (oh wait... scratch that)

Love ya sis!

Practically Perfect In Every Way said...

i believe in the UK you would be referred to as an arse.

Mom of 3 boys said...

okay...I have read ENOUGH...some people on this blog (Curt) is the downer..I am sorry but this site is to say what we want..and if he thinks your blog is too much of a downer then maybe he does need Prozac or something stronger...he should never tell you to disregard what someone else said or wrote...So I so complain if you want to complain...that is why we are here for you..at least there are some of us out here in blog world that understands and knows how you feel. I love your blogs whether they are funny or a downer....Just think in 223 more days you will feel better and the real fun begins....Enjoy!!!!!!!

Cakespy said...

Debbie Downer or not, you're still hilarious ;-)